Experience is what you get just after you need it. Many bands make the same mistakes in their early (and often not-so-early) days, but as a wizened old pro I can help. Get a leg-up on the opposition as I reveal the top 10 reasons why your band sucks:
- Your songs are dull. Have you written songs, or have you just come up with patterns of notes that sort of fit together? Does your song have structure, or does it meander around pointlessly like a Sunday league midfielder? Does it have a memorable melody or hook? Does it take 3 minutes before anything happens like my DVD recorder? Get it tight - trim the fat. Make every bar count.
- It sounds like mush. There’s a big difference to playing in a band situation compared to playing by yourself at home (insert joke of your choice here). Prime offenders here are all-in-one guitar effects processors like Pods, V-Amps etc. These devices are great at delivering instant aural gratification, but part of their allure is based on the psycho-acoustic effect of giving your ears a lovely full-range sound - often the mid-range is reduced and the bass is boosted compared to traditional real amp sounds. Sounds cool on its own, but as soon as you get together in a band situation you’ll find everyone is fighting for the same acoustic space - your instrument is drowned in a sea of distortion and mud. Listen to some classic records and notice how each instrument occupies a distinct sonic space. Try editing your guitar sound to cut-through in a narrower band of frequencies. You’ll be able to hear yourself better and your audience will be more able to hear your fantastic virtuoso artistry.
- You’re boring. Why should a venue hire you instead of just turning on the juke-box? You might have bags of ‘indie attitude’ and the sharpest haircut in your hall of residence, but if you stand there staring at your shoes all evening don’t be surprised if your audience decide they’d rather check out the back of the beer mats. In the next pub. It can be intimidating when you’re up on stage but try to relax, get into your music and enjoy it. Plenty of eye-contact with your band mates and hey, why not try smiling every now and then! It won’t kill you.
- You’re not ready. When you perform for an audience you have entered into an unwritten contract - you have assumed the role of entertainer, and with that comes responsibility. You are expected to have made every effort to present a finished product, so if you’re still looking round at the drummer trying to remember when the ending comes in, you’re not ready! Get back into that rehearsal room until you’ve got everything nailed and you don’t even need to think about what comes next. You’ll enjoy the gig more when you’re confident about what you’re playing, which in-turn will allow you to put on a better show.
- You can’t play. There’s no two ways about it, it takes effort to learn to play an instrument well. Good instruments are cheaper than they’ve ever been and there’s loads of free teaching material on the web, so have a word with yourself and get down to some serious practise. Listen to a wide range of styles of music, use your ears rather than relying on tab, and pay attention to rhythm aswell as melody. Record and listen back to yourself. Wince. Practise some more. Repeat. Play with other people as often as possible. Listen.
- You’re unprofessional. No excuses on this one - do you turn up on time? Do you stay sober? Do you take care when borrowing other people’s gear? (and say thank you afterwards). Do you keep quiet (guitarists - stop noodling please!!) when you’re not actually performing? Can you take constructive criticism without taking the huff? Act courteously, set-up efficiently and be nice. You can start throwing TVs out of windows when you can afford the damage bill.
- You’re out of tune! Get a tuner.
- You have no chemistry on stage. The on-stage interaction between band members can turn a good performance into a great one. Are you all actually friends? Are you harbouring grudges? Your singer is never going to buy any gear (they never do) - you may aswell get over it. Go out for a curry, get to know eachother outside of the rehearsal room. Try to avoid shagging any of them though.
- You keep stopping. If there’s one thing that sets a pro band apart from the rest, it’s the slickness of their transitions between songs. If you’re playing stuff that people might actually dance to this is doubly important - nothing clears a dance floor like a minute of dead-air while you all look at each other arguing what song comes next, or try to remember who starts the opening riff. Practice going from the end of one song into another. Get to the stage where you really don’t need to check everyone is ready to start the next song, they just will be. If your guitarist needs to re-tune or your keyboard player needs to change patches, then come-up with a simple vamp to fill the space whilst they get ready.
- You’re too loud. Ok, rock n’ roll needs a certain level of volume, but are you operating within the capabilities of your equipment? Nothing sounds worse than sound equipment straining at its limits; sound quality inevitably suffers and damaging peaks of frequencies can result - both for your speakers and your hearing. Be sympathetic to the size of the venue and the make-up of your audience. While you’re at it, get some hearing protection. Standing next to a drum kit on a regular basis will damage your hearing. A decent pair of earplugs which will reduce levels without muffling the sound will cost about 13 quid (I recommend Elacin ER20s).
Tags: band, Bass, drums, Guitar, music, musician, performance, stage, sucks
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